The strangest thing happened last night: Curran was having a really rough time settling down to bed. Aric and I were trying to watch a movie, and had been interrupted at least three times as he woke up about 10 minutes after I'd put him down fully asleep. So there I was rocking him again, and just at the point where I might normally get upset that he was wakeful for no apparent reason, there was a cosmic *ca-chunk*. I felt peaceful, and suddenly I felt like a Mother.
"Silly Stacia," you might say,"you've been a mother for over three years now!" Yeah, but I've felt more like a young woman babysitting, compared to my image of my mother. There is a physical and emotional kind of presence I associate with mothers, and until last night I didn't feel that I possessed it. 'Mother' settled into me. I looked at my legs rocking the chair and realized those legs would hold children for years of reading and carry me on walks with them. I looked at my arms holding Curran and realized those arms would cuddle sick children and try to protect them when they got hurt. I felt like an anchor manifested for my kids, as my mother was for me.
This was a singular and unexpected experience, so I just thought I'd share :)
It feels good.